lost

1 Corinthians 1:26-29
Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things- and the things that are not- to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.


i didn't have much when i was a kid. well, i take that back. my parents did well taking care of us kids but we were not wealthy to an excess. my parents chose a nice house for us over things like cable tv, new brand-named clothes, and the hottest new toys. like i said, my parents did a great job of putting us first and trying to give us the best they could and we did have the times where they would go out and get us those things on occasion. but like i said, not wealthy to excess.

as far as socially, i was kind of a loaner. i had friends here and there which was nice while it lasted. but i had a lot of hard times with my peers and i never really ever felt like i fit in. i was a creative and hyperactive kid with a big heart and imagination. for some reason those weren't attributes that attracted long-term friends. most of the time, after a while of being best buds, my friends would turn on be or sell me out for "better friends". as a result, i was a bit of a loaner. it's an even sadder story with the ladies for me. i was never asked to a Sadie Hawkins dance. i wasn't asked out on dates. i was hardly ever asked to parties. the few relationships i did have didn't last very long except one, and that was a disaster. i didn't even really get along with many people my age- mostly either people quite a bit older than me or people that were younger. rarely anyone my age. i had such a feeling of inadequacy. partially self-projected i suppose, but i have never had very much confidence in myself.

throughout my entire life it has been one story of hurt, unfaithfulness, and betrayal after another. but the funny thing is, i can look back at it all- every heartache, every devastation, every disappointment- and i can see God. He was always there. no matter what i was doing, He was by my side. even when the things that destroyed me (unfaithfulness, rejection, etc.) were the very things that i was doing to God, He was still there.

relentlessly. faithfully. standing by my side.

He never gave up on me. He never turned his back on me. He has been the only one to stick with me no matter what. for that one reason alone, He is worthy of my entire life. but He is even more. He picks me up when i fall. He shelters me and cradles me when tough times come my way. He is my hope when every turn appears closed off. He is my supply when i am at my absolute end. my God is more that i could ever put to words. so i will put it to action:

Lord, i am lost in love with you!

my life is yours alone.

unfailing love

Isaiah 41:9-14
I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you," declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.

this verse just about broke my heart. seems like i am in a time of pressure. my emotions are a little messed up and i feel accusation from all sides. i have had such a persistent heaviness lately and a battle to maintain my joy. throughout this though, God has been my refuge. i can't really say why my pleading prayers of relief go unanswered for the time being. however, i do know that my Jesus is faithful. He is truly my help, my refuge, my strength, my stronghold, my glorious friend. funny how the tough times are such a blessing. it's so encouraging to me that God himself, not anyone else, will personally rescue me. picture that: the magnificent and all-powerful creater of the universe is personally coming to rescue me. oh God, my heart rejoices in you.

Exodus 15:13
In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling.

Psalm 6:4
Turn, O Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.

Psalm 13:5
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation

Psalm 32:10
Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.

Psalm 33:19-19
But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.

Psalm 33:22
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you.

Psalm 36:7
How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.

Psalm 143:8
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

Psalm 147:11
the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

Isaiah 54:10
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

mmm... ;)