lost

1 Corinthians 1:26-29
Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things- and the things that are not- to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.


i didn't have much when i was a kid. well, i take that back. my parents did well taking care of us kids but we were not wealthy to an excess. my parents chose a nice house for us over things like cable tv, new brand-named clothes, and the hottest new toys. like i said, my parents did a great job of putting us first and trying to give us the best they could and we did have the times where they would go out and get us those things on occasion. but like i said, not wealthy to excess.

as far as socially, i was kind of a loaner. i had friends here and there which was nice while it lasted. but i had a lot of hard times with my peers and i never really ever felt like i fit in. i was a creative and hyperactive kid with a big heart and imagination. for some reason those weren't attributes that attracted long-term friends. most of the time, after a while of being best buds, my friends would turn on be or sell me out for "better friends". as a result, i was a bit of a loaner. it's an even sadder story with the ladies for me. i was never asked to a Sadie Hawkins dance. i wasn't asked out on dates. i was hardly ever asked to parties. the few relationships i did have didn't last very long except one, and that was a disaster. i didn't even really get along with many people my age- mostly either people quite a bit older than me or people that were younger. rarely anyone my age. i had such a feeling of inadequacy. partially self-projected i suppose, but i have never had very much confidence in myself.

throughout my entire life it has been one story of hurt, unfaithfulness, and betrayal after another. but the funny thing is, i can look back at it all- every heartache, every devastation, every disappointment- and i can see God. He was always there. no matter what i was doing, He was by my side. even when the things that destroyed me (unfaithfulness, rejection, etc.) were the very things that i was doing to God, He was still there.

relentlessly. faithfully. standing by my side.

He never gave up on me. He never turned his back on me. He has been the only one to stick with me no matter what. for that one reason alone, He is worthy of my entire life. but He is even more. He picks me up when i fall. He shelters me and cradles me when tough times come my way. He is my hope when every turn appears closed off. He is my supply when i am at my absolute end. my God is more that i could ever put to words. so i will put it to action:

Lord, i am lost in love with you!

my life is yours alone.